This is the first actor rider we have received. Of course, it's not from a real actor, but from my two idiot friends, Jojo and Credit. I have no idea if anyone else will find this funny, but I laughed my ass off. For the meals, it has Credit eating spaghetti bolognese every day because in real life, Credit does eat spaghetti bolognese EVERY DAY. Of course, this is the same dude who, when told he had to give a CLE speech to his department, HE QUIT HIS JOB! He is that afraid of public speaking.
EBONY AND IVORY ACTING, INC.
Technical Rider
DRESSING ROOMS:
Producer Shall Provide Two (2) Private Dressing Rooms
1. One (1) Room for Jojo w/ Two (2) Full Length Mirrors on Opposite Walls, One (1) 5' X 8' Mirror Mounted on the Ceiling, Clean Bathroom, One (1) Futon, One (1) Wheatgrass Machine and Fresh Cut Lilacs to Make Him Feel Fresh and Pretty.
2. One (1) Room for Credit w/ Two (2) Full Length Mirrors on Adjacent Walls, Clean Bathroom with Adjustable Shower Head, One (1) Loveseat, One (1) Mini-Fridge, One (1) Gas Range, One (1) Pasta Sauce Pan, One (1) Large Pot and One (1) Cactus for its Mysterious Healing Powers.
Rooms Are To Have Locks On The Doors, Electronic Scanner Entry Set To Allow Access After Successful Retinal Scan Only For Credit, Jojo, Hate, PWJ and Others Specifically Identified by Credit and Jojo.1
FOODS & DRINKS:
Producer Shall Provide Two (2) Setups of Food And Refreshments
One (1) In Each Dressing Room.
DRESSING ROOM 1: (JOJO)
Consist Of:
1. Twenty-Four (24) Cans of Red Bull2
2. Four (4) Gallons of Fresh Mountain Water Imported Directly From the Appalachian Mountains,
Including Complete Video Tape Of Journey To Prove Journey And Route
3. Twelve (12) Bottles of Assorted Premium Malt Liquors
4. One (1) Tray of Delicious Dim Sum Appetizers
5. Four (4) Fresh Avocados
6. Eight (8) Large Towels
7. Three (3) Buckets of Fried Chicken
8. Three (3) Slabs of Barbeque Ribs
9. Two (2) Bottles of Hot Sauce
10. Two (2) Trays of Assorted Melons (Watermelon, Honeydew and Cantaloupe)
11. Ample Supply of Wet Naps For Eating and Wiping Asses.
DRESSING ROOM 1: (CREDIT)
Consist Of:
1. Twenty-Four (24) Bottles of Boone's Farm
2. Four (4) Dozen Fresh Bagels Made With New York City Tap Water
3. Three (3) Sam's Club Jars of Chunky Peanut Butter
4. Eight (8) Large Towels
5. Three (3) Containers of Original Philadelphia Cream Cheese
6. Six (6) Boxes of Uncooked Spaghetti
7. Three (3) Cloves of Garlic
8. Six (6) Cans of Tomato Sauce
9. Three (3) Containers of Italian Seasoning
10. Three (3) Pounds of Lean Ground Beef (95% Fat Free or Better)
NOTE: All Rooms Must Be Accommodated w/ Knives, Forks, Cups, Napkins, Ice, Etc.
MEALS;
SUNDAY:
Jojo: Six (6) Chicken Wing Dinner from Harold's Chicken Shack w/ Fries, no vegetables
Credit: Spaghetti Bolognese, no vegetables
MONDAY:
Jojo: Slab of Ribs From Ribs & Bibs, no vegetables
Credit: Spaghetti Bolognese, no vegetables
TUESDAY:
Jojo: Dipped Italian Beef Sandwich w/ Fries, no vegetables
Credit: Spaghetti Bolognese, no vegetables
WEDNESDAY:
Jojo: Four (4) Crab Cakes Flown From Baltimore Maryland w/ Boardwalk French Fries, no vegetables
Credit: Spaghetti Bolognese, no vegetables
THURSDAY:
Jojo: Two (2) Pulled Pork Sandwiches from Raleigh, North Carolina w/ Fries, no vegetables
Credit: Spaghetti Bolognese, no vegetables
FRIDAY:
Jojo: Liquid Dinner (Bottle of Belvedere Vodka), no vegetables
Credit: Spaghetti Bolognese, no vegetables
SATURDAY:
Jojo: Light Salad
Credit: Spaghetti Bolognese, no vegetables
THESE ARE NOT SUGGESTED MENUES.
DON'T DEVIATE FROM THIS. IT'S ALL FUN AND GAMES UNTIL CREDIT LOSES HIS SHIT.
PHYSICIAN
Producer shall supply Credit and Jojo with the name and telephone number of a medical doctor capable of (i) pumping stomachs in case of alcohol poisoning; (ii) curing hangovers within one (1) hour of wake-up call; and (iii) rectal examinations.
BAIL BONDSMAN
Producer shall supply Credit and Jojo with the name and telephone number of a bail bondsmen. Any bail payments to be made by Producer.
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