So, as you may know, we have a contact form on this blog, and if you fill it out and put something in it, Nils and I get it in an actual email. Pretty simple.
This about as standard practice as it gets on blogs, but apparently not so much in the movie business. The idea that normal cast and crew can interact with the producers of a movie on any level beyond cursory glances on set is apparently not only not common, it elicits reactions of horror from some people. I literally had a producer--no one I am working with--tell me I shouldn't put a contact form up, because then I'd have to deal with "all of those people." Who am I, Prince William, like no one look at me or something? Jesus tittyfucking Christ some of these Hollywood people take themselves WAY too seriously.
Of course, when we did get some cast and crew start emailing us, he decided to have fun with it and it has led to some funny email exchanges. These are two just from Shreveport, the first is an actor who got a small, one line part, then I list my response, Nils response and Jeff's response (my assistant):
Actor:
Tucker,
Just wanted to say hello and that I am actually playing a small speaking role in the film. I just booked the role of "Friend #2" and I must say I am really thankful and looking forward to it. The script had me rolling so I know we will have a great time! I just moved to Shreveport for the film business and was happy to get a role in your film. If you need anything or wanna grab a brew or something I'll show you around! Take care and look forward to meeting you. I will be on set July 30th, but until then, best of luck and rock on!"
My response:
"You're fired off the movie. Don't bother showing up, we gave the role to a goat."
Nils:
"Don't you know you're not supposed to contact the producers directly?! It's the Martin Lawrence Rule. No contact of any kind unless made first by the producers. You should fire your agent. IMMEDIATELY."
Jeff's:
"Clearly at the very least he is allowed to address Dr. Tucker Max through me, but then he runs the risk of being beaten like a creature of labor. Seriously, speak to Tucker directly and you're probably fired. Look me in the eye and I will bury you alongside so many hamsters and lizards from my youth."
The poor kid actually thought for a second that I was serious and he was fired. Which would have upped the funny substantially, but even I am not that mean. Another one from the sound mixer who hasn't started work yet:
"Tucker,
I'm your sound mixer, Larry Long.
Man I've been reading your blog, and it excites me even more to want to work on your movie. Jaded as they come,it's a job werkin' in the movies, yeah right. Your humor is right along side of mine. I look forward to meeting you ,Bob, Darren and the rest.
Rock on bro you are rolling,"
My response:
"YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO TALK TO PRODUCERS WITHOUT PERMISION.
You're fired.
We've replaced you with a goat."
Yes, I know I used the goat line twice, get over it. I can only be so funny, and I'm saving it all for the movie.
I would much prefer that the hot girls we have hired for a bunch of parts in the movie email me and ask to "work on their lines" at my place, but they have yet to do that. I guess we booked the smart actresses. Well, at least it'll make the movie better.
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