I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell - June 12, 2008
Stripper Calculus
If the current schedule holds, we will finish principal photography at the end of August and post-production at the end of December. By all accounts, it promises to be a long, sweaty journey. I am almost positive that, when the new year dawns and we are all sitting around sharing anecdotes and war stories, looking back on what we've accomplished, there will be a consensus that the three most difficult things we had to deal with were...
...and not necessarily in that order, because finding the right strippers is going to be immensely difficult.
For one, we need a lot of them. Twenty, maybe. But we don't JUST need strippers. We need HOT strippers--legitimate 5-Star polecrobats--with a variety of looks. Blondes with perfect tits, brunettes with perfect tits, tall girls with perfect tits, short girls with perfect tits, white, black, Hispanic, and Asian girls with perfect tits. Fuck Deja Vu. We don't want "1 ugly one". At first blush, it doesn't seem like such a laborious task since any strip club worth its weight in body glitter has that many different kinds of girls on shift for a busy Friday night. But how often are even HALF the girls at a club BOTH smoking hot AND in possession of perfect tits? I'm going to say "not often." Are we being unrealistic in our demands? Probably, but I don't care. When the main characters walk into the strip club for the first time and the audience takes it all in with them, I want all of us to feel like we are being carried to Valhalla on a cloud of soft pink titties.
Beauty and perfect-tittedness will not be enough to pull off our heavenly vision, however. These women need to look good on camera. Some will even have to walk and talk at the same time. In short, they need to be able to act. That is the real rub. We need nearly two dozen women who have 1) Beauty 2) Perfect Tits 3) Camera-Friendliness and 4) Talent. For some we can live with 3 of the 4. But for a handful of them, we need to hit for the cycle.
So what do we do? Do we audition hot actresses who will go topless and hope a) they have perfect tits and b) they can dance? Do we scour the region's greatest strip clubs for women who can obviously dance and will obviously go topless, then hope they are a) camera friendly and b) able to act...even a little? Fuck, I don't know. I had an easier time with the LSAT.
Part of me agrees with Tucker and thinks we should just make our lives easier and combine our pursuit of these groups like a big-titted Voltron and hire a bunch of younger porn stars who haven't been completely fucked out yet. I'm pretty sure that's the sweet spot in the middle of the Stripper Venn Diagram.
Posted by nils at 12:29 PM