I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell - June 26, 2008

What I am posting below is a real post, written by some guy I don't know at all. He is just someone who posts on the messageboard attached to my site. He wrote this in one of the threads about the movie, and I wanted to post it here for two reasons:

1. I couldn't get the Flickr account with the hundreds of pics we've taken so far up for today, and I wanted to post something new (the Flickr account will definitely be up and running tomorrow, it takes FOREVER to download 1gig+ of pics).

2. He gets it. From day one hour one, Nils and I had a clear vision of what we wanted to do with this movie. Very very few other people have gotten it, and almost no one outside of the people we are working with; this guy did. I can't really write out what I am trying to do because, coming from me, it sounds like hubris and pomp and puffery. It's my movie, of course I am going to say grandiose things about it. Remarkably, this guy said everything I would say, in a better way than I'd say it, without reading the script or even talking to me about it. Take it for what it's worth, just another take on me and the movie, before it comes out. But from my perspective, he nails it:

"You know, the fact that you are so goddamn famous pisses me off. I don't understand it. You became like, sneaky famous.

When I came here, there was a website, a nascent message board (not even this one - the OLD board), some funny stories, a 15 minute segment on MTV, and a book of pick-up lines. Whoop-de-frickin doo. I figured that even the best Internet celebrities had all the longevity of Star Wars Kid, or maybe one of the stars of the eighth season of Road Rules.

Then out comes this Beer in Hell book, to which I pay no attention because it's just stories, many of which are already on the website. I already read those. Nobody I know in real life has ever heard of you or your book. Sure, I read your crack-pipe-dream-sounding plans about some huge TV series that's coming, and surprise surprise, it falls through. Color me shocked.

A year goes by and a movie now looks like it's actually in the works. I remain unimpressed because I figure if the bible thumpers on TBN can make two Left Behind movies with Kirk Cameron and Louis Gossett, Jr., anybody can make a movie. I figure at this point you've ridden that pony as far as it will go, and your fame will cap out at, say, Andy Milonakis levels.

Two weeks ago I'm browsing around at Amazon and I wander over to your book's page, and I see this shit:

#1 in Books > Literature & Fiction > United States > Humor

I'm baffled. How the fuck did this guy, who nobody I know has ever heard of, who gets no exposure in the mainstream media, who hasn't been linked by Fark or Digg in eons, get the number one fucking humor book in the United States? And it's #1 eighteen months after it was published. What the fuck? Something is not right.

So I go down to Barnes and Noble, and there it is, an actual copy of the book. I buy it on a whim. I bring it home and leave it on my toilet tank for later when I'm not busy.

Later on, I start reading it. Then I keep reading it. About every second page, I have to put it down because I'm going to crack a rib from laughing so hard. Up until this point in my life, I have been absolutely convinced that no writing can be that funny. It's just words on a page. I've read lots of humor books and I chuckle here and there and appreciate them, but not one of them has ever had me literally crying. I am alone, in my house, and I'm trying my hardest not to pull a stomach muscle because of a book. I finished it last night.

Fine. Fuck you. You win.

I find myself no longer able to turn my cynicism into skepticism. This movie is going to be absolutely epic. It's going to redefine the male-centered sex comedy genre. It's going to make them re-rate American Pie as PG-13, because it is just so far beyond it, and American Pie was a milestone movie. I haven't seen the script of course, but if I'm sitting in the theater and somebody on-screen says "Hey, it's not my fault you like manatees" the theater owner had better hope I'm wearing Depends, because I'm going to piss myself.

You know how Saw came out and then a whole rash of gore-heavy horror movies came out direct-to-DVD for the next four years? That's your movie. Everybody and their mom is going to try to cash in on this, but they're going to think the magic formula is boobies and saying "fuck" a lot. Before I read the book, that's what I thought the formula for your movie would be. But I was wrong.

It's not the boobies, it's not the "fucks," it's the "rhinocerous dump" and the "what's the matter, did your daddy neglect you?" The magic formula isn't offensiveness, shock, or outrageousness. It's not fucking a pie in the kitchen.

The magic formula is honesty.

This shit is so funny because it's so goddamn true. It's doubly funny because it runs counter to everything that the entire society of pussified men and low-self-esteem women have come to expect. It's like calling bullshit on everything, all at once.

Anyway, I may still be a hopeless pussy with no game whatsoever, and nothing can change that. But, I can admit when I'm wrong.

Shine on, you crazy diamond."

Taken from this post. And not to nitpick, but the book was published in January of 2006. It's been out 30 months, not 18.

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Posted by Tucker Max at 9:27 PM