You don't have to be in Hollywood to know that agents are cocksuckers and cunts. But you can't get the full appreciation for how awful they are until you deal with them.
There is a certain well known actor--long list of IMDB credits, not "Offer Only" but could get there after his new movie comes out--who really wants to play me in my movie. He emailed me directly over a year ago, and I let him read an early version of the script, and he loved it. He has been texting me constantly, emailing me asking for updates on the project, wanting to know when casting was going to start, etc, etc. It wasn't stalkerish, but it got the point of comedy. Not two weeks would go by without hearing from him. In a way, I really respected his perseverance, and even though he almost certainly wasn't right for the part, I was willing to consider it, because in Hollywood, you never know.
Once we attached our casting director [the post about him is coming later today], I emailed this actor and told him to contact the casting director to set everything up. He has been constantly texting not only me since then, but the casting director's associate. Like, ALL THE TIME. To the point where today he called me up and asked me to give him some pointers on how to read the role and shit like that, which again, I was fine with doing. He's a nice dude and I am not going to punish a guy for being determined.
We had a casting session today at 2pm. I got there a bit early and made a comment to the casting associate joking about how I've had girls who wanted me to father their children come after me less than this actor. She rolled her eyes and told me about how much he had contacted her about the role, and then...then she told me something that I lost it on.
CA "The worst part is that his agent sent me an email telling me to tell you that if you were going to keep calling [the actor], he wanted to hurry and read for the part."
Tucker "WHAT? He said WHAT???"
She showed me the email. This motherfucking agent SAID THAT I WAS THE ONE CALLING HIS CLIENT!
The casting associate, both the experienced producers, the director, and the casting director all told me it was no big deal, that agents lied all the time. That was their job. Fuck that. I pulled out my phone and showed them the LITANY of texts from him.
I mean, WTF? If he had expressed an opinion about me as a person, I wouldn't care. Opinions are like assholes. But this motherfucker had lied on me, trying to make me out as the OPPOSITE of who I was.
I am so fucking tempted to call the actor and agent out by name, but I am not going to, mainly because I have no idea who is lying to whom. But I am fucking pissed.
Look, I know that in the grand scheme of things, this isn't a big deal. But to me, it is symptomatic of much larger problems in Hollywood that I do not want to be part of. Have whatever opinion you want about me, but get the fucking facts straight asshole.
[I know all the experienced Hollywood people are laughing at this right now and saying to themselves, "All agents are like that." I know, I know. Let me have my space to rant.]
Comment and discuss. Registration required.
Digg it · del.icio.us · StumbleUpon · Fark It
