I just got back from a very restful weekend in Palm Springs, probably the last one I am going to have until principal photography wraps in late August.
To catch everyone up, we closed financing last week and in the process attached an additional set of producers that I am excited to work (I have to let the trades officially announce it, but if you like this movie, you'll be happy about who it is). We are pretty much cast, we have most of the key department heads either picked out or the field narrowed to a few, locations and other things are pretty much settled on, and all of our other ducks are in a row. Tomorrow, we make a fucking movie.
It's funny, I am sitting in my bed at some ungodly hour writing this and it just hit me: Not only is there no going back, my life will never be the same. Whether the movie is a huge hit, a miserable failure, or something in between, nothing is ever going to be the same for me.
Before this point, had I wanted to quit everything, stop writing, pull down the site and become anonymous again, I probably could have done it. Even though my book has done well, I am still only a cult celebrity at best, I only get recognized once a week at most, I could easily change my name and move somewhere random, live off of the royalties and leave it all behind. Not that I want anything like that at all--hell no--but at least it was possible.
Not anymore. When Hollywood makes a major motion picture about you and your life, that's pretty much it for your anonymity and your normalcy. Regardless of where this path I am on ultimately leads me, I will never be able to go back to where I used to be.
I say this not because I am upset about it. Far from it, this is the exact goal I have worked towards for six years and I am very confident and happy with my decision, even with the uncertain outcome. It's just unusual to think about. Never in my life has the decision been so starkly laid out in front of me, and the choice so apparent: Pick one path or the other. You make the movie or you don't. You risk it all or you don't. There is no middle ground.
It seems like you always hear about two types of people; those who made it, and those who came close but failed (or decided to not go for it at all). Both are famous in their own ways, but I am not really either right now. I am in the weird middle ground where I have all my chips on the table, but the result is still to be determined. For better or worse, alea iacta est.
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